Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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