I'm so fucking centered right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
