Kiss
Puke
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
