With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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