I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
