Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
