i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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