WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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