remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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