I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
