if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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