if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
