I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
