two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
