Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
