My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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