Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
