dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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