I hate your face
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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