I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
