He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
