i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
