I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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