We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
