we're chasing vodka with high fives
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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