when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
