i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
