he thought i was a dude.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
