Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
