I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize