shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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