tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
