Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
