All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
