How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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