I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
