Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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