there was a trapeze. enough said
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't deserve a penis
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize