He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
