I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
