I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
