it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
