just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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