I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize