im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
