she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
