Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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