Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
