How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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