Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize