All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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