I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Couch. On fire.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize