It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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