I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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