I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
