she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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