my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
