I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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