I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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