Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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