very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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