I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
