Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
