almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize