i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
