There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
from now on my penis is your penis
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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