dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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