time to smoke my breakfast
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
