I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize